Thursday, February 9, 2012

Confessions


This post was written by one of our mysore students.  It is so honest, I just love it.   

If you would like to post something (anything... a subject or questions), please send it to alicia at info@ashtangayogarichmond.com and I will post it.  

When I last posted on this blog I talked about how great it was to make a commitment to do some practice everyday because it assured me that, even when life gets overwhelming, I would take at least 15 minutes for some meditation.
Well, last weekend ended up being emotionally exhausting. I spent Saturday hungover and Sunday in premenstrual tears. I did rally enough to go to superbowl party!
Throughout the weekend, I kept thinking – I need to do some practice, what I am I going to write in my log? I did some sun salutations, I started trying to meditate- maybe five minutes if I am going to be generous.
Here is the worst thing….I considered lying on the log. Well, I mean not really lying, just a little exaggerating. When I caught myself having those thoughts I realized this was the yoga lesson of the weekend.  What was worrying me? Was I ashamed? Did I feel like I had failed? That I would be judged? How I could I work at letting that go? At accepting what was, what is, and starting again?  Our yoga practices allow us to pay attention to thoughts and feelings in a way that though, hard and challenging, is deeply rewarding. One of the hardest things in the Ashtanga practice is accepting where one is at, not feeling like a failure when struggling to bind, or jump through, or drop back…I think harder than doing any of the postures is being able to see those emotions come and let them go.
So, you see. I did practice after all.

4 comments:

  1. Please Thank your student for sharing this valuable insight. It really is the hardest part of the practice-self judgment and fear.

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  2. I didn't mean for it to be anonymous. I just couldn't technically post it so Alicia did it for me.
    -Miriam

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  3. I love that post. Elizabeth and I were talking about how thoughts come up and then judgement comes up and then you're judging your "story" and the fact that you have a story, your not focusing on your breath, or dristi or meditating, etc.... oh! how it can spiral. A silent but very powerful war. Sometime is makes me smile that no one else is judging me but I am doing all of this to myself.... in my head. This post made me realize that just being able to be aware that you are doing that and aware of the emotion is part of your yoga practice.
    Thanks Miriam!

    -Annie

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  4. I'm so glad to read this!
    I did great the first week, read about and tried meditation for the first time, practiced asana the same I would normally.
    Then my son got croup, we were in the ER, not sleeping and I had nothing left to give to anyone or anything. I didn't manage to write a thing in last weeks log.
    However, every night as I settled down to sleep exhausted but brain buzzing with stress I took what I'd learnt the week before starting to meditate to calm my mind before sleep. I moved my breath through my body telling every muscle to let go and eventually my mind, I slept well.
    So maybe my position wasn't typical fetal v's cross legged but I think I did practice those days, I practiced letting the day go and resting before I took on the next.

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